i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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