So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
