so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my shit smells like andre
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
