Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found the puke drawer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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