I think I died a long time ago.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish you could order shots online.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
