Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
