i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
