we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
