i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
