Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
