Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You took a bar mat shot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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