I could make wine with my vomit
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
