This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
