Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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