So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this boner is exhausting
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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