think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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