I accidentally had phone sex last night
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I need help removing her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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