I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
