All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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