I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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