I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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