don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
