i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
