My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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