I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
