like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
