So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
