She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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