Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
this hospital has no fireball
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
