If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
