id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
