I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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