I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
