dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
