i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize