You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
