did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
