Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
