Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
