so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
