I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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