My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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