This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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