I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
