She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
