Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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