I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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