BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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