my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
