There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
