Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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