his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize