I am puke
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize