can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
