just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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