Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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