My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
