He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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