just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
