Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
