y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
