You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
