I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
