Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Duck Duck Cougar?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
