Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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