She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize