I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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