I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
