i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
