i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
