You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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