This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The struggles of a small town man whore
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
