so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
