Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
