it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
