she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
