i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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